


Love to Borrow

by pyrrhical (anoyo)



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-15
Updated: 2012-06-15
Packaged: 2018-09-30 14:25:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10164923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anoyo/pseuds/pyrrhical
Summary: "He expected it to be different, the next time he gave away his heart.  Maybe he shouldn’t have picked the same damn woman."Damon contemplates the differences - and similarities - between Elena and Katherine.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a songfic (wtf) to Maroon 5 (wtaf). I have no idea how this fic happened.
> 
> Also, I started it back in 2012, so that's where it's set in canon.

_I gave you my love to borrow_

He doesn’t know why he expected it to be different. Maybe because it is, or, at least, it seems to be? He can remember every detail of his hurricane romance with Katherine -- if a romance is what it was at all, and that’s a thought he never allows himself to follow through, not sober, and he’s never drunk enough -- and this isn’t that. In fact, if Katherine were a hurricane, Elena has been the ebbs and flows of a tide in a protected cove. 

He knew where Katherine _stood_ \-- at least he thought he did -- but Elena comes and goes, quietly, until something happens to stir up all the water, and then he’s got no damn idea what the end result will be.

Different. He expected it to be different, the next time he gave away his heart. Maybe he shouldn’t have picked the same damn woman.

_But you just gave it away_

Elena is everything Katherine isn’t: soft, kind, innocent. But she is, he’s learned, a lot of the things Katherine _is_ , too: demanding, a natural leader, and the one who always has to _know_.

And maybe that was the problem. Katherine knew, all those years ago: she knew she wanted them _both_. 

He hopes that’s not the problem now. It could be. He could deal with it. 

Stefan never could.

But he knows that right now, Elena doesn’t know, and that’s the problem. If he could tell her, he would. But he can’t: he doesn’t know how she feels, either. She’s unfathomable to him, and that’s part of what makes her so beautiful, and perfect.

And vicious. She doesn’t know, she needs to, and while she gathers her “information,” she tears him apart in the exact same ways he’s been mending for a hundred fifty years. And he lets her, of course he does. But for what? For a less than 50% chance he wins.

_You can’t expect me to be fine_

So he throws on the worst face he has, and he lets her gather her information. He lets her make her choice. 

What kind of choice is it? In the end, everyone loses. She has to know that. He knows that she knows, and she knows that he knows -- it’s one of those stupid word games that idiotic television personalities recite to gain simpering praise.

And he lets the charade sit. Why? What else can he do.

Walk away. He could walk away now. He would never have thought twice about it, in all of his life-after-death. Purposely cause himself pain? Ridiculous.

Shut it off, walk away, cause some chaos.

Practically cardinal rules.

But he can’t. Why?

_I don’t expect you to care_

Because he loves her. With all that’s left of his humanity, and all the humanity he’s gained since he lost what real humanity he held, he loves this cruel, stupid girl.

Because she is neither cruel nor stupid: she knows what she’s doing, and it kills her as much as it kills him, so he puts up with it. Because, someday, he’ll have an answer, and then there will be at least the closure he never had with Katherine. Because this time is different.

Is what he tells himself, as he walks away, but never far enough.


End file.
